I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
