I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
