My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
