its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and she was petting her beer can
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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