if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
