I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
