I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
