I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
