The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
