In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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