Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
