When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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