just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
