My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
