i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
