I think my vagina is haunted
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
