seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
