So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
