Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
