Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
