She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
