you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
