Three words: puerto rican gang bang
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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