I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
