i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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