i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is my gift to your gina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
