I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
