You're so nebulous sometimes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
