Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
