the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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