One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
