just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
