Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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