This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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