Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
