just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
