i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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