we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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