I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
