people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
