So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
