Will you blow on my dice?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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