Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
