I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
