That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
