Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
