Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
