dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
