Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
