hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
