best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
