OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I AM VODKA MAN
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
