you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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