NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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